In reality it has been more than a year, both in my role as a father and in my role as the webmaster of this site. To the site first.
The other day I commented to spyMommy that I could hardly believe that at least of the people we know, I can’t believe we’re the only ones doing this. What an invaluable resource of memories this can be. It’s better than any baby book, and you’re only limited by your imagination, time and willingness to learn. So I will put this out to all my friends right now, though you should know me well enough to not have to ask for an invitation: If anyone wants help in setting up something like this journal, ask and I will help. I will not maintain it and it is up to you to learn how to use it, but I can get you started. My setup incurs no extra costs and the bandwidth needed is minimal since I am hosting all images and videos offsite.
That being said, I couldn’t be happier with the performance of this blog engine. It is there for us, whenever we need or want it and have an internet connection. I am excited to add another figure of focus to the site.
On being a father.
Where to begin? Most of the time I think I feel lost. I am not the kind of person that likes to feel lost, but I am so caught in the middle of my own vortex that I don’t know where to begin to find my way. I have often lamented the fact that I will not be able to expose my childREN 😀 to the variety of things that I was so privileged to have. But I hope I can make up for that in many other ways. First I must become a teacher.
Blah, blah, blah, where am I going with this. This isn’t the place for my shortcomings. No… to the point. In my own way, I couldn’t be happier. It’s a challenge at times, and sometimes I feel so inadequate that I feel like I will burst. But that’s it, isn’t it? Fatherhood, no, parenthood is the ultimate in self-reflective exercises and if you don’t have a sense of humor about it… well, lets just say that I think a lot of people have lost that sense of humor. (Reference: State of the World Today… ie. it sucks)
Arwen is a joy I couldn’t have expected and a burden I cherish. In our toils we find out who we are, just another play on the same idea I guess.
I think I was moved to put these words down because of a book I’m listening to right now, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. Now before passing judgement, know that the book is probably 60-70% fact, taken from journals and other biographies. What got me is him losing so many of his children and the rather eloquent descriptions of his grief. I empathized, and felt lost.
So here I am; writing some brief, if not incoherent, reflections of the longest and shortest year in my memory.
I look to the future a lot, to the time that I will be able to read some of my favorite books to them and them actually be heard, understood and hopefully appreciated. I look to the time that, if unable to home school, I can expand upon what they have learned in school… hopefully passing on the trait of not accepting that there is no more to learn than what teacher says so. And oh how I yearn to introduce them to the sea… being so far away, sometimes it seems more than I can hope for.
Wel, enough of all that for now, maybe I’ll come back to this topic again.